For as long as the issue of unstable and broken marriages remain at the centre stage of national discuss, there’s an overriding need for all of us to keep improving on efforts at ensuring that marriages work ontil wi go kpai (until death do us part). Irrespective of where you are right now, just think for a moment of the number of relationships (you know of) that had crashed bikos pepe no de laik dat. Then, as a man, the first thing that takes the better part of your mind would be how to work and pray to mek sho se tins balans fo yo said, mek kudi res. You can’t imagine as a man playing “yes ma” to the wife we yu yuz yo moni mari. Haba! Especially, wen yu sabi se di pawa we moni kari na baba.

Each time the strategic position of money in everything is mentioned, I usually ponder over the following questions; how much of money will be sufficient for any one? Should one acquire so much money to be able to take and keep a woman as wife? Is money the only magic required for the sustenance of any marriage? Please join me in pondering over these knotty issues, as we share the following.

Recently, some close friends to a couple of over ten years in marriage met to put hed togeda over an un-ending agro (quarrel) that was heating up between their friend and his wife. It was a family meeting of some sort. Trying to make them see reason why they should remain as one na elele.

The couple in question de liv wel an dem de chop laif. Both husband and wife have a car each to themselves aside from di machin we dem de yuz fo wikend joli joli. With God’s complete blessing of three kids and a house of their own to mash, someone would be tempted to ask, wetin go de kos agro fo dem haus?  (What on earth would cause a quarrel/disagreement between them)? For the wife, she repeatedly said that she had done a lot in “managing” to keep the marriage on. Available “amebo rekod” says the man was responsible for the wife’s educational training through OND and HND programmes in one of the polytechnics before they got married. Intimate family friends also asserted that the husband falls within the usually few koret pipol who have notin laik rons fo dia dishonari. As a reserved gentleman with a captivating physique, he is a delight every woman would jump at. (Na man we eni wuman go won dai fo). While the meeting lasted, the husband kept muttering; “mek una tok to am fo mi. Mek una helep mi beg am”. On the other hand, the woman repeatedly said “mek una ask am weda ah neva trai?”.

The meeting which was at the instance of the husband’s friends, was very very tait. His friends couldn’t dikod wetin bi “manej”and “trai” as postulated by their friend’s wife.  What then was the koko of di mata, one of the man’s friends asked rhetorically? In an unsolicited response, the man (husband) responded “yes ma”. Why “yes ma”? Not even an answer to the question asked. Every one present looked at each other in speechless confusion. The husband, was completely oblivious of the “olmaiti mistek” he had made, but repeatedly called his friends to beg his wife to be understanding for the sake of their children. Understand what?  None could utter this sensitive question. Suddenly, tears rolled down the cheeks of the man as he ruminated over the glaring reality in the fact that his marriage was heading for a collapse. His friends sensed that there were so meni no go erias the couple wouldn’t speak about. Apparently, the wife wouldn’t mention any of them and the husband fit yamutu if mention was made of the true situation of things. The meeting ended laik dat without reaching any concrete resolution.

Di mata neva finish. Tori stil de. The centre couldn’t hold and the marriage packed up after a kwayet tie pepa taim tebul we oga an im waif agri to folo. Consequent upon this unfortunate situation, and to make matters worse, the wife relocated to another town leaving their three children with the husband to stat ol ova.

With the wise counsel of friends and close acquaintances, a onetime husband-turned-father-of-three, gradually overcame diverse throes that almost swallowed him as a result of his former wife’s “unco-operative” attitude. Should his former wife be accused of being un-cooperative? Even though grapevine sources said her swimming in propa wahala was her reason for abandoning her husband? The long an shot of di tori bi se even though the man hadn’t any problem of hau to giv im waif bele, he was said to be a dodo. Na hu bi dodo? (Who is a dodo? - a sexually inactive person).

Somehow, the wife had secretly revealed her husband’s dodo status to few persons including her former house maid who had lived with them right from when they had their first child who recently turned nine years. The unfortunate incident of the wife’s tek of corresponded with the rounding off her former housemaid’s OND programme in one of the polytechnics. Due to compassion fo Oga and his children the housemaid eventually became Oga waif. Tori plenti!

Completely aware of di problem of Oga, the housemaid-turned-madam, took it as a challenge to fix him. Immediately after their traditional marriage ceremony, she travelled back home to see her parents. As you read these lines, dem se oga don chenj. Dem se, dem se... Di dem boku Oga former waif sef de fom aktiviti to kom bak. The sweet news however is that, the new madam/(waif) now has two kids and living happily wit Oga.

A typical traditional African culture wouldn’t frown or place restrictions on the number of wives a man should marry. Assuming Oga had three or four wives, would all of them have deserted him jos bikos e get as e bi?. There’s no doubting the fact that each of the wives would have been competing to give him the best in different available herbal delicacies capable of keeping him in tune and shape for eni akshon. But because Oga de du kristien, e no ivun fit kara won waif (couldn’t take an additional wife for religious reasons). Assuming he was led into an early grave by the departure of the very first wife? The following are my sincere comments to my fellow men are:

§  Always look before you leap. (shain yo ai bifo yu enta marej).

§  Our culture is not against pregnancy bifo marej but don’t you ever deny the existence of any relationship you had course to have entered into. Especially if it led to pregnancy/child birth. (bot chek wel wel bikos som gel de yuz am grab pesin).

§  Take time to study whether your proposed wife would be able to play the role of a true wife.  (rememba se waif difren from gel frend).

§  These days, we have too many girls who take alcoholic drinks and sometimes in competition with their male folks. Most beer- drinking girls are already looking pregnant before their first pregnancy. Imagine how your would-be wife would be looking like afta e drop won. To tek won tek tu mek e kom de sho fo im bele na bad maket.

We have tried to demonstrate the strategic importance of money in all of our affairs viz a viz its limitations in a home. Spare a little time to go over this piece and see what you make of it. From 2010 shain yo ai.